We were all excited when I found out that I was pregnant on August 17. Of course, I wanted to share the good news. The next day however, I started getting this brownish discharge. I was worried. I knew that spotting was normal and especially if it's not really "fresh" blood. But of course, I couldn't stop worrying. I ended up telling my sister-in-law and asked her how it's supposed to be. She said that as long as it's not accompanied by extreme pain then I should be fine BUT it varies for all women. Thursday came and I still had the brownish discharge. I spoke to my friend who suggested I look it up on the internet.
Personally, the best advice I've read off the internet was going to the emergency to get your hormone levels checked. I didn't really search much but that's what stuck with me. Everything else said that it was either normal or it was the beginning of a miscarriage. Ugh! What comfort! On Friday, I all of a sudden had pelvic pain. It was a quick 3 second hit of extreme pain...unbearable...and when I say unbearable...it hurt. I have a high tolerance for pain so my description would be quite different from others. Good thing Tj was home early because he needed to prepare for his bestfriend's stag the next day. I was thinking, "Great...I'm probably gonna have this miscarriage without him." I wasn't very optimistic. A few people weren't...or maybe it was all in my head. We decided to go to the emergency to check out what's really going on. We waited for a few hours and was finally seen by a really really tall doctor. He was very nice and explained everything well. He explained that bleeding in the first trimester is normal but as of right now, the only way to find out is to check my hormone level and compare to another one that I would have to take the sunday or monday coming. So...I still would have to wait.
I wasn't very happy with what's going on. I tried my best to be optimistic because I knew that it wouldn't help the pregnancy if I was sad. By Monday, I had a different outlook and started getting excited. I went to the lab for another blood test and waited for a call from the clinic. I figured that if anything was wrong, they would call me. Tuesday came and I still didn't receive a call. People were saying, "No news is good news" but was it really? I decided to go see the doctor the next day (Wednesday) just so I could be at peace already.
Tuesday night, I realized that the discharge became fresh blood. It wasn't brown anymore. I passed clots and was quite alarmed by it. I asked Tj to come with us because I was afraid of what the doctor will say.
Wednesday morning, I passed clots again. When the doctor told us the news, he gave me a hug. This is the same doctor who gave me a hug when he told me I was pregnant. He said that this is normal and that there is nothing and noone to blame. He just asked me to do another blood test to confirm that my hormone levels have gone down. We went home after all this and went straight to bed. I think Tj and I were tired and it was a good thing Claire cooperated and napped with us. The doctor called and confirmed that I was having the miscarriage. I, somewhow, felt at peace. Finally, knowing what is going on and not guessing felt really good. Of course, losing a child is never good but I trust in God's plans.
We went to mass that night and the priest suggested we name the baby. The homily was fitting. The priest said, "Often times, our will is not God's will. Once we've accepted this, He will give us the graces to go through it and carry out His will." I found comfort in this. I really felt as if God, Mother Mary and all the angels embraced me.
Our unborn child's name is Jacob.
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