Our new guardian angel...

We were all excited when I found out that I was pregnant on August 17. Of course, I wanted to share the good news. The next day however, I started getting this brownish discharge. I was worried. I knew that spotting was normal and especially if it's not really "fresh" blood. But of course, I couldn't stop worrying. I ended up telling my sister-in-law and asked her how it's supposed to be. She said that as long as it's not accompanied by extreme pain then I should be fine BUT it varies for all women. Thursday came and I still had the brownish discharge. I spoke to my friend who suggested I look it up on the internet.

Personally, the best advice I've read off the internet was going to the emergency to get your hormone levels checked. I didn't really search much but that's what stuck with me. Everything else said that it was either normal or it was the beginning of a miscarriage. Ugh! What comfort! On Friday, I all of a sudden had pelvic pain. It was a quick 3 second hit of extreme pain...unbearable...and when I say unbearable...it hurt. I have a high tolerance for pain so my description would be quite different from others. Good thing Tj was home early because he needed to prepare for his bestfriend's stag the next day. I was thinking, "Great...I'm probably gonna have this miscarriage without him." I wasn't very optimistic. A few people weren't...or maybe it was all in my head. We decided to go to the emergency to check out what's really going on. We waited for a few hours and was finally seen by a really really tall doctor. He was very nice and explained everything well. He explained that bleeding in the first trimester is normal but as of right now, the only way to find out is to check my hormone level and compare to another one that I would have to take the sunday or monday coming. So...I still would have to wait.

I wasn't very happy with what's going on. I tried my best to be optimistic because I knew that it wouldn't help the pregnancy if I was sad. By Monday, I had a different outlook and started getting excited. I went to the lab for another blood test and waited for a call from the clinic. I figured that if anything was wrong, they would call me. Tuesday came and I still didn't receive a call. People were saying, "No news is good news" but was it really? I decided to go see the doctor the next day (Wednesday) just so I could be at peace already.

Tuesday night, I realized that the discharge became fresh blood. It wasn't brown anymore. I passed clots and was quite alarmed by it. I asked Tj to come with us because I was afraid of what the doctor will say.

Wednesday morning, I passed clots again. When the doctor told us the news, he gave me a hug. This is the same doctor who gave me a hug when he told me I was pregnant. He said that this is normal and that there is nothing and noone to blame. He just asked me to do another blood test to confirm that my hormone levels have gone down. We went home after all this and went straight to bed. I think Tj and I were tired and it was a good thing Claire cooperated and napped with us. The doctor called and confirmed that I was having the miscarriage. I, somewhow, felt at peace. Finally, knowing what is going on and not guessing felt really good. Of course, losing a child is never good but I trust in God's plans.

We went to mass that night and the priest suggested we name the baby. The homily was fitting. The priest said, "Often times, our will is not God's will. Once we've accepted this, He will give us the graces to go through it and carry out His will." I found comfort in this. I really felt as if God, Mother Mary and all the angels embraced me.

Our unborn child's name is Jacob.

Our first child...Pregnancy story

Remembering details of the past is not my forte. And this is why I wanted to maintain a blog so I could actually remember dates. I always admire my MIL for remembering specific dates and years her children did specific things. I figured, having a cheat sheet wouldn't be too bad.

So, from the first blog I made, I got the following details:

August 10, 2007 - We found out I was pregnant with Claire.

We slept over my Dad's place the night before because we were going to be dropped off the airport on the way to Calgary for a conference. I remember TJ wouldn't wake up when I was calling out to him, so I ended up throwing the pregnancy test in front of him. He was of course, ecstatic and said to me, "Sinong tatay nyan?!" (Who is the father of that child!?).

October 5 - Our first Pre-Natal Visit

This was a sad day. The doctor didn't hear a heartbeat that day. We were asked to come back. I remember calling my good friend, Cheryl asking her how normal this is. She comforted my by telling me how the same thing happened to a common friend of ours and found out the next appointment that they were having twins.

October 18 - The first time we heard Claire's heartbeat

It was the best birthday gift ever. I was nervous for so many weeks because I didn't know how our baby was doing. Finally hearing her heartbeat was awesome! Of course, at this time, we still didn't know if it was a girl or a boy.

My last post for that blog was March 18 and this is what it said:

Hmmm....okay....I haven't been good with blogging lately.

Now that I have the time...you will see more postings...um...soon...hehehe!

Funny...

To be continued (PROMISE!!)...

Starting from scratch...

Okay...so I wasn't really up-to-date with my first blog but I realized...I really should keep up with this whole blog thing. I have always just been afraid of the "internet Gods" erasing it like how Friendster did with my pictures. AND that's why I only go on Facebook. I'm still waiting for a few people to go on Facebook and once everyone I know on Friendster is on Facebook...goodbye Friendster...FOR-EVERR!

On Monday, August 17, 2009, Claire and I went to the clinic. I decided on the weekend to go and find out if I am pregnant again since I haven't had my period. I didn't want to spend anymore money on the those store-bought pregnancy tests and I'd have to go to the doctor anyway if the test came out positive. So, yes...I am pregnant again. Wooohoo!! My OB was off that day so I ended up seeing one of the other doctors in the clinic whom I have seen before. The weird (REALLY WEIRD) part was when he told me, he gave me a hug. Not just any hug...but a tight squeeze. I wasn't sure how to respond but I also didn't want to embarass him (I'm not really the type). Maybe it was his way of being Pro-Life and welcoming the pregnancy. I dunno...hahaha!

As soon as we left the clinic, I realized...I'm actually scared. Scared of having to deal with the little things again...like what to wear (UGH!), when and what to eat (because of my gestational diabetes which apparently I have a 50% chance of not getting it if I watch what I eat and exercise everyday) and I guess the not so little thing of having a second child. Of course, I love this baby that's being formed inside me, no doubt. But I think the fact that I will have two to take care of --- make that three (plus my husband) --- wait! and the home that I would like to be kept clean and tidy all the time --- makes me S-C-A-R-E-D. However, it's scared like "butterflies in my stomach"-scared. I have always been the risk-taker and strong when it comes to challenges. I know I won't crumble...well, maybe a little but then I'll make it. Aahhh...so, this is life.

P.S. I am not very good with blogging. Sometimes, I don't know what to say and I write it in the not so proper form of english. So, to the readers...thank you for your patience.